The Kris Humphries guide to contract negotiation
While the gossip magazines see New Jersey Nets power forward Kris Humphries as a combination mannequin-slash-boy toy in his upcoming nuptials to high-profile fiance Kim Kardashian, basketball fans who’ve been able to see through the sheen of his reality TV queen have witnessed a nimble 6’9″ veteran emerge as a legitimate power forward force in the NBA.
Say what you want about Kim Kardashian and her sisters – and trust me, I’ve said plenty – but you can’t help but admire the newest addition to the Kardashian family.
What follows is a quick run-down of how Kris Humphries did it right.
One day there was a boy growing up in Minneapolis who dreamt of being an NBA star, a boy who played in high school, made it to college and was drafted into the NBA. There he toiled in the relative obscurity of Utah, Canada and Texas for six years, until, eventually, he found himself in the deliciously lucrative position of a desirable NBA free agent, coming off a career season.
Here’s a step-by-step guide to follow in Humphries’ footsteps. (Print it this out and tape it to your mirror. Read it every day).
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1. Work Your Ass Off
There are a countless number of NBA players that have faded into obscurity within years of breaking into the league, remaining afloat only by cracking the last few roster spots of their respective teams through injuries to more skilled players or simply contractual obligation. Unlike the higher profile Adam Morrisons and Darko Milicics of the basketball world who failed to live up to undeserved hype, though, Humphries had a journey that sportswriters have gushed about and will likely continue to envy for years: after some time in smaller market teams, the hard work and dedication pays off for a young basketball hopeful until he finally finds himself in the right scenario to flourish into the talent no one knew was there. It’s the plot of your typical sports movie, but this fairly tale has a 21st century twist in the form of reality TV show and a very curvaceous Kardashian.
The hard work, they say, pays off.
By the time occasional and casual fans had heard of him there’s a good chance their sisters or gossip-inclined brothers already knew his name – despite the fact that Humphries was already a six-year NBA veteran. Drafted in the middle of the 2004 first round by the Utah Jazz, Humphries was quickly traded to Toronto where he played decent minutes for a terrible team, followed by an unceremonious stint as an afterthought on the Mavericks. Midway through the 2009-10 campaign, Humphries landed in New Jersey. In 2010-11, through the usual course of hard work and a nose for grabbing every single rebound left behind by the reboundingly-challenged Brook Lopez, Humphries took advantage of the heightened status on a struggling team and broke into the Nets’ top five, averaging his first career double-double in the process.
2. Marry someone more famous than you; Preferably a Kardashian; Preferably Kim Kardashian
Now it’s a question of what came first: Kris Humphries confidence on the hardwood, or Kim Kardashian? Lamar Odom’s marriage to Kim’s sister Khloe might have very well been a needless distraction that derailed what should’ve been a bigger season for the Lakers, but it’s very possible that Kim will have the opposite effect on Kris. If the image in my head of Khloe Kardashian in one of a nagging, bullish wifezilla, my image of Kim is – perhaps unfairly – one of soft-spoken motivation, lighthearted teasing, and maybe a tickle fight.
Anyone who has had a little swagger in their step for whatever romantic reason might agree with you if you were to suggest that Kim is the best thing to happen to Humphries’ career. After all, she seemed to help Reggie Bush win a Super Bowl with the Saints, who himself has since fallen out of favor with both the reigning family of reality TV and most NFL general managers.
3. Let Your Agent Make You a Ton of Money
It couldn’t be a better time for Mr. Kardashian to be in a contract year. Even if there is no season, which is a very real possibility, his stock has doubled and tripled itself in good time. Upon renegotiation, the Minnesota alum should get a better deal than the $3.2 million per season he pulled in in 2010-11. If he continues his upward trend and his numbers continue to climb, he’ll be able to start paying off the reported $2 million 20.5 karat diamond engagement ring he bought Kim last May.
In the world of NBA salary negotiation a lot is up in the air, especially now with so many uncertainties in the CBA. But, throughout history, players with good agents have ended up getting their due. Of course, there are bad tales of contract negotiation: sometimes the agent of Blake Griffin can only wrangle $400,000 in a Nike deal for his explosive Rookie of the Year client, and of course things go wrong for the teams that decide to foolishly sign or take on the Rashard Lewises and Gilbert Arenases of the NBA.
Humphries’ contract is unique, though. Both his agent and the teams negotiating with him will need to be aware of any contractual obligations involved with the Keeping Up With The Kardashians spin-off that he is planning to star in with his soon-to-be wife for the E! Network. A source close to the Kardashians said to various gossip outlets that, “Kim and Kris have been filming different parts of their lives, including wedding prep, but their show hinges on Kris’s contract negotiations.”
Because each team expects different commitments from their players and have different rules around media access and team privacy, the show is currently only in the planning stages.
“Currently he’s a free agent, but it all depends on what teams he ends up with and their rules for their players and outside commitments,” said the same source.
So, exactly how much does North America’s most desired trophy wife add to your salary if you’re an NBA star? My over/under is that Humphries will make a solid $5-7 million per season wherever he plays, perhaps even under new CBA rules that stress conservatism over lavish spending. A solid $1 million per season could be solely ascribed to Kris Humphries increased exposure in the tabloids – a number pulled out of thin air, yes, but one I think fairly indicates the importance that notoriety and public image brings to high-level contract negotiations.
Bust or boom, so far it is all speculation as to what will happen to Kris Humpries’ NBA career. What is for certain, however, is that the future Mr. and Mrs. Humphries-Kardashian are to wed on August 20. In a slow NBA news cycle, you’re bound to hear something about it whether you like it or not.
Unlike his soon-to-be brother-in-law Lamar, here’s to hoping that his Kardashian bride isn’t a succubus.
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