MLB through the eyes of a couch potato: National League
I like baseball, and I like TV. Now that you understand me, let’s welcome the 2012 MLB season back to the airwaves by discovering each team’s television counterpart. Whether similarities exist between actors and players, show and franchise history, or whatever else, each club can be found somewhere successfully on the small screen. If you’re looking for a team to cheer for this upcoming season, or searching for a simple history lesson of each team through the eyes of the small screen, this is the place to be. Maybe you’ll discover a new show here, too.
Atlanta Braves – Seinfeld
Each ruled the 90s with an iron fist. Jerry Seinfeld is the Greg Maddux of comedy; one of the greatest of all time, using pinpoint timing and accuracy to rise to the top. The Braves of the 21st century, like their Seinfeld counterparts, have seen success (their division titles from ’00-05 and Wild Card in 2010 parallel the fallout shows such as Curb Your Enthusiasm and Old Adventures of New Christine), but there have been pitfalls as well (John Rocker and Michael Richards’ poor choices of words). For the generation that grew up with the 90s Braves, they’ll have to realize they’re never going to stop comparing the new squads, even if the result will never be the same.
Miami Marlins – 2 Broke Girls
Visually appealing but lacks the substance to succeed. Definite promise, however, there’s a nagging feeling that the potential will never actually fully be reached and the window will close before it has a chance to be widely successful. Also, the owner of each enterprise is a massive dick.
Philadelphia Phillies – The Office
Great for a while and absolutely deserving of the awards that were given to them, but eventually the lineup got as stale as Jim and Dwight’s pranks. The names are the same, but similar production is not. Ratings will be high and division titles will be won, but the best days seem to be behind them, especially with younger, more exciting shows/teams on the horizon. There’s a seemingly good chance Roy Halladay may not win a World Series, just like Steve Carell never won his Emmy.
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New York Mets – Family Guy
Sometimes good, sometimes a train wreck, but will most likely always be stuck in the shadow of the more established enterprise it shares a home network/city with. Their fans are loyal, but can easily turn on them. There’s a guilty pleasure felt by many when the Mets lose, just as many other TV peers aren’t big fans of Family Guy.
Washington Nationals – Happy Endings
The little show that is on the cusp of greatness. Originally thought of as just another throwaway sitcom about beautiful friends in their late-20s hanging out in the city, (à la Friends) Endings has emerged as a quick, funny and super entertaining show. Jayson Werth is Elisha Cuthbert, a veteran of a powerhouse team/show who failed to deliver as the lead, but could succeed heavily as a supporting character to the larger, breakout parts. Although he didn’t have the same prodigy label, Adam Pally has Stephen Strasburg-potential to break out as a major force. Titles and awards are coming.
Chicago Cubs – Toddlers and Tiaras
Simply because the same face appears and the same sense of superior judgment occurs on the person when someone tells them they’re a fan of either enterprise (“Oh, you’re a Cubs fan?” “Oh, you watch Toddlers and Tiaras?”).
Cincinnati Reds – The Walking Dead
So much promise, not enough delivery. The Reds seem to have all the pieces to succeed but just never got over the hump. Joey Votto, Jay Bruce and Brandon Phillips create a fantastic base on which to build. Zombies and a post-apocalyptic society gave The Walking Dead a similar base to work on, and although always good, never really great. Both enterprises used the offseason to introduce a new character; the Reds traded for Mat Latos, The Walking Dead teased with a samuri-sword wielding, keep-armless-zombies-as-pets killer. So, basically the same thing.
Houston Astros – That 70s Show
An underrated sitcom for an underrated franchise. The show was an entertaining enterprise that served as a launching pad for the careers of Ashton Kutcher and Topher Grace. The team has recently had a duo that also launched (and kept) the team in relevancy; Jeff Bagwell and Craig Biggio. When both duos left their respective entities, struggles to remain trends occurred. That 70s Show has since been canceled; the Houston Astros probably would have if that sort of thing existed in the MLB. They are moving to the American League in 2013, so that’s sort of similar.
Milwaukee Brewers – Scrubs?
This was a difficult one. Scrubs and the Brewers each employ(ed) an award-winning lead (Ryan Braun and Zach Braff) that was likeable on the field, but rumors of douchebaggery have popped up. Each has a Canadian (Sarah Chalke and John Axford). There’s a lot of ‘blue’ in each enterprise’s uniform. This one’s a mulligan.
Pittsburgh Pirates – The Simpsons
Been around forever, but obviously the best years are behind them. Some of the best moments and players in baseball history originate because of and from Pittsburgh, some of the best moments and characters in television history come from Springfield. The Simpsons helped create the modern idea of comedy, while the Pirates helped create the modern idea of losing.
St. Louis Cardinals – Breaking Bad
Wait, the Dad from Malcolm in the Middle is going to be the lead of a show about a cancer-stricken science teacher who turns to a life of meth-dealing? Wait, the St. Louis Cardinals are going to win two World Series thanks to the efforts of a 13th-round pick? Both happened, both worked. Brian Cranston has three Emmy’s, Albert Pujols has three MVP awards. Only difference is that it doesn’t look like Cranston will be visiting Pawnee, Indiana anytime soon. But he could. And it would be awesome.
Arizona Diamondbacks – The Big Bang Theory
Not expected to be successful, The Big Bang Theory took a bunch of nerds and mixed them with basic writing and a hot blonde and it’s now one of the more successful shows on television. The Diamondbacks didn’t seem built for success last season, but utilized the basics (strong defense, lights-out bullpen) and won the NL West. As for the D-Backs’ hot blond, I mean, have you seen Aaron Hill?
Colorado Rockies – Firefly
A one-season cult show for a franchise with one great season where they won 14 of 15 to win the NL Wild Card then went 7-0 in the playoffs before being swept in the World Series. Firefly was a great show and had passionate fans, but not enough to garner another season. The Rockies had an amazing run and dominated the narrative of the postseason, but their inability to win the World Series will always relegate them to a one-year wonder of a franchise. Todd Helton is the Nathan Fillion of baseball; incredibly talented, criminally underrated.
Los Angeles Dodgers – The Sopranos
Just as The Sopranos legitimized the hour-long HBO drama, so too did the LA Dodgers legitimize baseball on the West Coast. Both enterprises are responsible for one of the most memorable moments in their respective fields of history (Kirk Gibson’s pinch-hit home run in the ’88 World Series/The Sopranos’ series finale). And in a move that most resembled Tony Soprano, former Dodger owner Frank McCourt sold the Dodgers for around $2 billion, after buying it for $430 million and doing pretty much nothing when in charge, except piss off the fanbase. Classic Sopranos.
San Diego Padres – Bones
Quiet, unassuming, nothing special; it’s just sort of there. There’s a definite fanbase for both, but there’s never going to be an obsession that reaches national proportions. Each has been around longer than you would have expected but the impact is just as negligible. The Padres may be the least impactful team in Major League Baseball as it pertains to national importance and team history. Bones may hold that honor in TV circles.
San Francisco Giants – South Park
A sitcom and franchise once mired in controversy, both have broken out to obtain incredible success. While with the Giants, Barry Bonds set the record for home runs, but there’s an asterisk because of steroids. South Park holds the record for most times saying “shit” in an episode, but there’s an asterisk because it’s cable TV. Both employ a series of wild characters that feed off of each other perfectly. Brian Wilson may be crazy and animated, but he knows what he’s doing and has a knack for playing the media; South Park is nothing if not able to play the media.
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