Throwing up a Hail Mary; redefined
I’m not much of a praying man. Sure, like every fair-blooded sports fan I’ve prayed for one team to beat another, or I’ve prayed for an opposing quarterback to very tastefully break his leg and leave football forever. I’ve prayed for home runs and I’ve prayed for Mojo, but I’ve never expected anything to happen.
These prayers happen on couches or at sports bars, not at churches or synagogues. Like most sports fans, I occasionally pray as a release of frustration so that some other being can share the burden of hope, desire and heartbreak that ultimately comes with watching sports. I never expect anything to happen. But I really, really hope this new prayer works.
It’s September, so I’m praying for baseball (football prayers come later, like “Please God, please give A.J. Smith the strength to fire Norv Turner because the team is 0-4 and you KNOW it’s his fault”). I’m not praying for my beloved Padres to make the postseason; Jesus can walk on water but even he can’t overcome a double-digit divisional deficit. I’m not praying for a Chase Headley contract extension, but nudge, nudge, wink, wink there big guy. I’m praying for something else, a proper exorcism to a demon that’s been haunting a fanbase for two decades. I’m praying for the Pittsburgh Pirates to make the playoffs. Kind of.
Don’t get me wrong, I want Pittsburgh to make the postseason; there probably isn’t a group of baseball fans (or any fans in general) that deserve October baseball more than Pirate fans. They’ve been screwed over repeatedly, but they’re loyal. They’ve had superstars come and go (see: Jason Bay), never coming at the same time and always going at the wrong time. Draft picks have busted (like Bryan Bullington) and prospects have bloomed after they changed their home address (such as two-time home run champion Jose Bautista).
It hasn’t been the prettiest of times for the Pirates, and they deserve nothing but postseason play. But there’s an opportunity that’s presenting itself for Pirates fans that would make the playoffs even sweeter, something that wouldn’t make the last 20 years worth it, but may take away the pain just a tad bit more.
The last play in Pirates postseason history is one of legend. Up 2-0 in Game 7 of the NLCS against Atlanta, the Pirates imploded. A Ron Gant sac fly made it 2-1, and with the bases loaded and two outs, Francisco Cabrera knocked a single to left, scoring David Justice and a just-beating-the-throw-home Sid Bream. It was one of the most incredible finishes ever to a playoff game, and the fact that it sent Atlanta to the World Series made it even better. The Pirates haven’t made it to the postseason since.
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All of that makes the current Pirates situation even more perfect. On September 6, 2012, the Pittsburgh Pirates were one-and–a-half games out of the second Wild Card spot, held by St. Louis. The Cardinals themselves were four games out of the fist Wild Card spot, a position held by the Atlanta Braves.
So here’s where the praying comes in. Don’t pray for just a Pirates postseason berth; that’s boring and a waste of prayer. Pray for Pittsburgh to get the second Wild Card spot, and pray for Atlanta to keep hold of number one. Pray for a one-game playoff between the Braves and Pirates in Atlanta (higher seed gets the home game). Pray for the Pirates to return to the postseason in the same city they were so cruelly kicked out. Then, after Garrett Jones slides under a Brian McCann tag to score the eventual winning run, the spirits of Bream, Cabrera, Gant et. Al. will escape the Pirates locker room, and the Pirates can finally move on.
The greatness of the story doesn’t end there. Because of travel issues, the home field format for the 2012 MLB Playoffs will look a little different than in years past. Instead of the 2-2-1 format we’re used to in the opening series, the format this year will be 2-3, as in two homes games for the lower seed, followed by three home games for the top seed (this will only happen in 2012). That means right after the Pirates win their first postseason game since October 13, 1992 (!!), eliminating the team that knocked them out back then, they’ll go right home to celebrate with their fans.
This is when the city of Pittsburgh spares no expense, bringing back the 1992 team to celebrate with the new one. See if Jim Leyland can make an appearance. Have Andy Van Slyke shag outfield balls during BP. Get Barry Bonds to throw out the first pitch (the euphoria of postseason baseball will overshadow any and all ill feelings). Go the whole nine yards, and announce the return of Pirate playoff baseball.
It’s then irrelevant what happens next. Get swept by the Giants? Who cares. Lose in five to Washington? Not important. October baseball will have returned to Pittsburgh, and with the best Pirate team since the teams that culminated in that ill-fated squad (who made the postseason three straight years from 1990-92), multiple playoff appearances for the next few years aren’t out of the realm of possibility.
Talk to any Pirates fan and they’ll tell you that all they want is a chance to see a 163rd baseball game. Explain this situation to the same fan and watch the smile creep on his face. This wouldn’t just be good for Pirates fans, this would be incredible. And it could only happen this year. Only this year has Atlanta and Pittsburgh in a playoff race at the same time. Only this year will the winner of the Wild Card game host the first game of Divisional Series. Only this year can everything be this perfect.
The best part about all of this is the actual chance it has of happening. The Braves are seven back of the NL East lead but four up in the Wild Card, so as long as they don’t pull a 2011 and both epically and hilariously collapse, there’s a good chance they’re hosting the one-game Wild Card playoff.
The Pirates’ September schedule isn’t that difficult as they play seven games against the Cubs and three against Houston (six games against NL Central-leading Cincinnati Reds doesn’t help, but pray the Reds are so far up by the end of September that they rest their starters against the Pirates).
The Cardinals, the biggest road block in this perfect scenario, have a much easier schedule, playing six against Houston, three against Chicago, and finishing the year with six games against the probable no-starters teams of Washington and Cincinnati. If any team will disrupt this awesomeness, it’s St. Louis. Pray the baseball gods realize good things have been happening too often for the defending World Series Champions and decide to knock them down a peg. (There’s also Los Angeles to worry about, as they share the same Wild Card deficit as the Pirates. But screw the Dodgers, nobody likes them anyway. Pray for their destruction.)
As luck would have it, the Pirates and the Braves play a three-game series in Atlanta to close out the season. Pray that Atlanta has the same sense of history as we do, and if necessary they’ll lose games in order to get Pittsburgh into the postseason. Pray for Pirates fans to rid their demons in the most perfect way possible. Pray for the Cardinals to come down with a bout of mono. Pray for the perfect scenario and then watch the perfect game.
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